Weekend Adventures – The Chronicles of Shaky
(Franz Ferdinand - This Fire)

Friday started off with a bang. Actually it started off with a shawalla walla, shabang bang. Toronto got a torrential downpour in the afternoon. Being from Mississauga, which is just outside of Toronto, we had underestimated how much of a downpour it really was. As Mark, Diem, Sonia and I made our way from the burbs to Toronto to watch the quarterfinal tennis match between Justine Henin-Hardenne and Nicole Vaidasova, we soon realized after 2 hrs of traffic that it might have been a bad idea to travel across the city with most of the roads being closed due to flooding. On some roads, the water was as high as 2-3 feet. Needless to say, our typical 20-25 minute car ride took us 3 hours. After we got there, we watched the last few games of the first set and then it started raining again. One hour later, after the rain delay, the match got started again and we watched the last set.

Here’s where it gets interesting. On our way home, most of the roads had cleared and the water levels were down low enough so that we could drive through them with Mark’s SUV. It’s actually very fun to drive through a foot of water because you get to see the water splashing from the wheels. Not fun for people who might be walking on the sidewalks. Unfortunately there were no pedestrians for us to splash. There was however a not-so-smart guy in a mustang convertible who happened to be driving with his top down. As we approached a puddle a foot high and about 50-60 feet long, we could see the mustang flying through the water. Just then another SUVcame flying through right beside the mustang, causing a steady stream of brown water to cover the mustang driver’s head and all his leather seats. I’ve attached a drawing do demonstrate what this looked like.



This sight made our 3 hour trek across town worthwhile. Best. Laugh. Ever.
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Saturday was Harris’ and Anna-Gail’s wedding. Before we even stepped into the dining area, the groomsmen and the bridesmaids were already egging us on to take shots with them. They said, “The record is 6 shots in a row. One of Harris’ crazy high school friends just did it about 5 minutes ago. We know you guys can do it!!” So Jimmy and I took 7 shots in a row of cognac, amaretto and baileys. Jimmy and I both had a slight buzz by the time we sat down for dinner. My buzz didn’t last long and I was pretty much sober the rest of the night. I hate being an expensive drunk.

And just as I was thinking how ridiculous of an entrance Jimmy and I could have made if we took another 3-4 shots each (guys + ego + dare = stupidity), the bride and groom rolled into the dining room in a limo, through a hidden garage door beside the head table with Usher’s “Yeah” in the background. P. Diddy would’ve been proud.

After a few dishes and a few great live singing and band performances from some of Harris’ talented friends, it was time for the speeches. There are always some very creative speeches at weddings. Some are very sentimental, some are very funny and some are terribly awkward. The last one I went to, the best man boasted that he got to see the groom’s ass before the bride ever did. After making a few more homo-erotic references and a few lewd comments about the bride, he was given a high-five from the groom’s father. Classy. On Saturday, Harris’ dad had the most memorable speech. After having many, many drinks with us boys, his dad managed to incorporate "My son the fucken bastard..." and "I am drunk." into his speech without getting booed off stage. In fact, he left the stage with a ruckus crowd chanting his name, "TITO, TITO, TITO!"

At the end of the night, we got this parting gift to take home. It looks like the Oscar’s award! I believe they gave this to me for being the world’s greatest lover.



I’d like to thank my gf and ex-gf’s for nominating me for this award. I’d also like to thank my parents for not using contraception back in the 70’s. Lastly I’d like to thank God, because without him we wouldn’t have a platform like award shows to give him praise.

Anyhow...

If you ever get the chance, go to a Filipino wedding – they know how to party!

Ring My Bell
(Greenday - When September Ends)

My bike got stolen a few days ago. I’m not sure why I’m so surprised. My sister took my bike to the ghetto to play baseball and left it up against a fence unlocked. If there was ever a recipe for getting your bike stolen – this would be it.

I imagine that somewhere, some kid is riding my bike and ringing the bell a bit overzealously. A kid like that, probably doesn’t wear a helmet when he rides a bike. Hopefully he/she will have some instant karma run-in with a very large truck.

Heat Wave
(Coldplay – Sparks)

Sonia’s dad and I exchanged melons yesterday. I brought him a few green melons from my family’s garden and he gave me one of the melons they were growing in their back yard. I was happy to see that my melons were bigger than his. His melons however were nice and round while mine were long and elongated. I guess it just depends on what sort of melons you’re into. I’m really into his daughter’s melons.
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My Top 10 Summer Songs in no particular order...

1. New Order – Regret
2. Fresh Prince & DJ Jazzy Jeff - Summertime
3. The Cure – Friday I’m In Love
4. Bananarama – Cruel Summer
5. Smashing Pumpkins – 1979
6. Telepopmusik – Breathe
7. Len – Steal My Sunshine
8. Don McLean – American Pie
9. LL Cool J – Loungin
10. Real McCoy – Runaway

Jump up, jump up and get down.

Don’t Feed The Egos
(Death Cab For Cutie – Title and Registration)

Here’s an idea I had the other day...

How cool would it be if I could get all my ex’s into one wrestling ring and have them square off in a royal rumble? One by one they’d throw each other out of the ring and the last person standing in the ring would get to face my current gf Sonia in a title match. If by some odd chance, my ex was winning, I could jump in the ring with a chair and hit her over the head while the referee was distracted. This would allow Sonia to easily pin her and retain the title!

Of course this is a ridiculous idea because I’m pretty sure I’d have a hard time getting any of my ex’s to fight over me.

Here’s a better idea. They could hang me over the ring and the winner of the battle royal would get a ladder and a stick so they could beat me like a piñata. Of course, Sonia would come jumping in the ring last minute, with a chair in hand, to knock them flat on their ass before they got any swings at me.
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You know how at the zoo they have signs that say "Don’t Feed the Animals"? I think some offices should have signs that say "Don’t Feed the Egos". There are a lot of proud people at work who think they’re too qualified/dignified or whatever, to do work that’s not within their job description. Here’s some anti-inflammatory drugs for that ego of yours -- take one for the team, bitch!

Much Ado About Nothing
Death Cab For Cutie - I Was a Kaleidoscope

It's amazing how one person can open your eyes and make you realize things about yourself that you've never realized before. I would've never thought I'd enjoy having a sushi picnic in the park and watching Shakespeare at sunset. Maybe I'm just getting softer with age...

The new stage at High Park for the annual Shakespeare in the Park. This year they did Much Ado About Nothing. Excellent performance and highly recommended to those who haven't had a chance to spend an evening in High Park yet.


This was the stage lit up after the show.


Last year's stage. I liked this design better but apparently the weight of the stage was damaging the roots of the oak trees and so they re-designed the set so that it would stand on support beams that did not damage the surrounding park. We saw As You Like It last year and had a fabulous time.


The stage lit up after the show.